My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Send help, water and tortillas.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
