I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
