At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
