Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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