I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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