Your dad touched me again.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
