True but thats because hes a fetus.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
