tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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