HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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