We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
