Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
