I faked an abortion last night.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
