They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
