I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
