508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
