my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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