I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is the high leading the old right now
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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