The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
