I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
