you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Redeem this text for a blowjob
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
