That's intense
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
