My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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