I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
