So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
