Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
