I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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