i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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