I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
