He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
