she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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