So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
