Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my shit smells like andre
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
