I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
