dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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