my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
