Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
