Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
