I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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