first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
