Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
