So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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