I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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