I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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