I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
