Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
