I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
