It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
