She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
