Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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