My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
