Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
