I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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