dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
