omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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